So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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