It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
