Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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