Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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