Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
