Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
