i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
