i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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