I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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