You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
