for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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