"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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