I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize