last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
