This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
