I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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