when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize