in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
