So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
