I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
