I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just gift wrapped bread.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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