i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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