Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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