I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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