I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
