plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
