And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
