My underwear smells like fireworks.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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