Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
