I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize