I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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