girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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