You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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