smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
