i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
