Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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