You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
