If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
