So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
