Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Is it because I queefed?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I think i got beer on your cat.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
