Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
