..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
