At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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