he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just pee around me
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
