you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
