So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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