i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
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