dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
