Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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