just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
