She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
