i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
