If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
