You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I want a musical about memes.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
