Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
