so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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