I don't usually arrange sex via text message
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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