piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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