she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
