shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
