Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
