you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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