you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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