I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
