you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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