ya dads aren't the best wingmen
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
