I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
