There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
