Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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