Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
