Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
