I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
