Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
