It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize