she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
