Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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