smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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