Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
